Today as I dropped my son off to his Mother’s Day Out program, I stopped to talk to one of my friends and fellow parents of the program. As we conversed, I thought of a quote that I used to love. It is by Jerry Lewis and it simply says, “For those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don’t understand, no explanation is possible.”
My life has changed dramatically since September 2011. I got married, I gained stepchildren, I got pregnant, I re-launched a business, I had a baby, I quit my job, I became a full-time stay at home mom and wife, etc. I literally overnight went from being single and living alone to married with children and a baby on the way. All of this has happened in less than two years.
I often get the comments of “I haven’t heard from you, you haven’t called me, why haven’t you come by, what you do all day, you don’t have time for me, you’ve changed…..”
I used to wear myself out trying to help others understand that if they do not hear from me or see me, it is not intentional, I have just been busy. That people pleasing part me would sometimes make me feel obligated in the rare moments I have to myself to occupy it with talking on the phone with others or visiting others. Sometimes saying “yes” to others means you are saying “no” to yourself.
As I spoke with my friend this morning, we did not condemn each other because we were days late returning a text or because we have not had that play date we have talked about or because we have not had that lunch date we have talked about. Those things did not come up because we both know that we intend to do those things and will one day when time permits.
It was refreshing to talk to someone and not have to explain what I do with my time. In this journey as a wife and mother, I have realized on more than one occasion that if your reality is not another’s they may never understand and that is okay.
So, I am committed to freeing myself from the bondage of false obligation that I must give an account of every second of my day to people who feel like they do not see enough of, or hear enough from, me. If you are my friend and if you love me, I do not have to explain. You will just welcome and enjoy the time we do have when we get to have it.
“For those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don’t understand, no explanation is possible.”