Say No More!

SAY NO MORE!

Today as I dropped my son off to his Mother’s Day Out program, I stopped to talk to one of my friends and fellow parents of the program. As we conversed, I thought of a quote that I used to love. It is by Jerry Lewis and it simply says, “For those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don’t understand, no explanation is possible.”

My life has changed dramatically since September 2011. I got married, I gained stepchildren, I got pregnant, I re-launched a business, I had a baby, I quit my job, I became a full-time stay at home mom and wife, etc. I literally overnight went from being single and living alone to married with children and a baby on the way. All of this has happened in less than two years.

I often get the comments of “I haven’t heard from you, you haven’t called me, why haven’t you come by, what you do all day, you don’t have time for me, you’ve changed…..”

I used to wear myself out trying to help others understand that if they do not hear from me or see me, it is not intentional, I have just been busy. That people pleasing part me would sometimes make me feel obligated in the rare moments I have to myself to occupy it with talking on the phone with others or visiting others. Sometimes saying “yes” to others means you are saying “no” to yourself.

As I spoke with my friend this morning, we did not condemn each other because we were days late returning a text or because we have not had that play date we have talked about or because we have not had that lunch date we have talked about. Those things did not come up because we both know that we intend to do those things and will one day when time permits.

It was refreshing to talk to someone and not have to explain what I do with my time. In this journey as a wife and mother, I have realized on more than one occasion that if your reality is not another’s they may never understand and that is okay.

So, I am committed to freeing myself from the bondage of false obligation that I must give an account of every second of my day to people who feel like they do not see enough of, or hear enough from, me. If you are my friend and if you love me, I do not have to explain. You will just welcome and enjoy the time we do have when we get to have it.

“For those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don’t understand, no explanation is possible.”

Have a blessed day and remember to find the “jolly” in every “moment” life brings your way!

~ Keishawna

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Too Fast, Too Soon – Our “June Bug” Turns One!

“If you are always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you are in? Enjoy the ride!”

A friend of mine is visiting from Luanda, Angola. Last night she gave my husband and I a rare gift – a date night! This was only the second date my husband and I had since having my son, partly because of my reluctance to leave him with others. Although I functioned as a mother before having him, he is the first child I gave birth to. However, when I left last night my son did not cry, actually, I do not think he noticed that I left. My husband and I went to dinner and then to see Too Fast, Too Furious 6. As I sat in the movie, I thought about the title of the movie and then I thought about my son’s response when I left and I realized I was living my own “Too Fast” moment with my son.

A year ago on June 5, 2012, I gave my birth to my son. Initially I was not excited when I found out I was pregnant because it was not a part of my plan. I wanted to wait at least two years before we had a baby, but God had another plan. During my first ultrasound when I saw this little blur move on the screen I shed my first tear for him, fell in love, and suddenly my plans did not matter.

I remember bringing him home from the hospital and thinking, “what am I supposed to do with him?” and just like that, I blinked, and he turned one. It is as if he went from sitting, to rolling over, to sitting up, to crawling, to pulling up, to walking over night.

For the first 10 or 11 months of his life I was so consumed with living up to others expectations, that I did not always enjoy the little moments with him. I had the voice of so many in my head saying stop holding him so much, put him down, quit spoiling him, and so on. Then a friend said to me, enjoy your son, hold him all you want because one day he will not want you to hold him all the time, one day he is going to grow up. What I did not know is that the day would come so soon. He is walking now so he wiggles out of my arms a lot to go enjoy his new freedom and independence.

So yes, I may hold my child more than you think I should. Yes, I may have nursed him longer than you think I should. Yes, I may hold on tighter than you think I should, but I finally realized it is okay because I am his mother and I am going to slow down and enjoy this ride with him.

So enjoy your children. Stop saying, I can’t wait for them to walk, I can’t wait for them to talk, I can’t wait for them to go to school, I can’t wait for this, I can’t wait for that. Please wait and in your waiting enjoy what is happening now because one day you will look up and wonder where did the moments go? After all, it feels like just yesterday when I brought him home and already we celebrated his first birthday.

What moment will you purpose to slow down and enjoy?

Cake Credit: Pamela Sim’s with Sweetie’s Treats

Have a blessed day and remember to find the “jolly” in every “moment” life brings your way!

~ Keishawna

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