jolly moments

Love and Marriage: Put First Things First

Leave a comment

This past weekend my husband and I had the opportunity to attend our first ever marriage retreat. The retreat took place at the beautiful La Torretta Spa and Resort in Montgomery, Texas.

Our church hosts the retreat every two years. The last one occurred in August 2011 and since we were not getting married until September 2011, we could not attend.

I heard so many positive things about the last retreat that I could not wait for this one to come. Although I was excited about the retreat and how it could enhance our marriage, there was one little issue. A 14-month-old issue named Christopher (I must admit he is a wonderful issue to have)!

A miscommunication caused a babysitter issue that almost resulted in us not attending. Up until this point I had never left my son over night and rarely left him with anyone for more than 2 -3 hours. As a first time mom, all sorts of things go through your mind the first time you know you are going to leave your child. Of course, you are going to leave your child with someone you trust, but you also feel that no one can love your child, or care for your child, as you do. When we ran into the babysitter issue, I thought maybe it was a sign from God that I should not leave my child and that we should not go.

God had a ram in the bush and the situation worked out for us to attend. I am so thankful to God now that I did trust Him to work the situation out and trusted Him with my child while he was in the care of someone else.

One of my good friend’s always tells me, “Your family is only as strong as the mommy and daddy.” If the mom and dad’s relationship is not tight, the rest of the family will suffer. In me trying to hold on tight and protect my son, I almost missed out on some much needed time alone with my husband. Time that we desperately needed to communicate some things to each other, rediscover some things about each other, discover some things about ourselves, to be reminded of what we loved about each other, and to grow individually and as a couple.

Therefore, I encourage anyone out there reading this to make sure you prioritize your marriage. Take care of each other so that you are able to take care of the entire family unit.

On a plane trip a few years ago, the flight attendant told us that in case of an emergency to secure the oxygen mask on yourself first and then put the mask on the child you have with you. Although I did not have a child at the time, that initially sounded crazy to me, because in the state of an emergency you want to make sure you save your child, right? As I thought about it more, it made perfect sense.

If I secure the oxygen mask on my child first and then I pass out who will take care of my child. However, if I secure my mask on first and then my child’s, I will still be there to take care of my child during the emergency.

So what am I saying? I am saying put first things first. Make sure that you and your spouse secure your mask on (or take care of your relationship) first so that you are in good health to secure the mask on (or care for) your family.

The reality of it is that one day your children will grow up and leave the house. You do not want them to leave and discover you and your spouse are now strangers. Alternatively, you do not want to wake up one day while they are still in the house and discover you two are so weak that you cannot keep your family together.

Photo Credit: Sunnycrest Photography

Have a blessed day and remember to find the “jolly” in every “moment” life brings your way!

~ Keishawna

Follow The Jolly Moments on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

The Freedom in Forgiveness

4 Comments

Forgiveness Lewis Smedes

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you” Lewis B. Smedes

When you hear something repeatedly, you think you have a good grasp of the concept. However, some things you have to learn for yourself, no one can teach them to you! I once heard someone say that forgiveness is for you, not for the other person. I also heard it said when you hold unforgiveness in your heart, it is like drinking a bottle of poison and hoping the other person will die. It made sense to me, but did not become a reality for me until this past week.

The other night I told our girls to do something the next morning when they woke up. We had somewhere to go the next morning and I knew we would be gone all day so I wanted them to get something done before we left the house. I woke up the next morning to find them on the couch watching television and the assignment I gave them undone. I asked them if they had forgotten what I said and they had not. They just chose not to do it. I reminded them of what I said and they got it done, but I was still upset because they did not do it when they woke up as I instructed them. I spoke to my husband about it and he told me to grace them because after all God graces me. That comment just made me even more furious about the situation.

The day progressed and we continued with our activities as planned. The girls were having a great time but I was not. I was still fuming. Instead of enjoying myself and talking with the other moms at the activity we were at, I sat with a frown on my face. The girls had forgotten all about what happened that morning, but I had not. I was still fuming. My husband’s words to grace them echoed in my head but I thought, I am not God and I do not get over stuff that easy. As the day continued, they smiled and I frowned!

On our way to the next activity for the day, KSBJ played in the background. I did not pay attention to what played on the radio until I heard these words:

“It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…

Forgiveness
Forgiveness”
I thought, No, Lord, no! I’m mad and want them to be miserable for making me mad! The song continued….

“It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘Set It Free’

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness”
NO LORD, NO! THEY WERE WRONG! THEY JUST IGNORED WHAT I SAID! The song continued…

“It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you”

Then the words I heard about forgiveness echoed in my head. “Forgiveness is for you, not for the other person.” “When you hold unforgivness in your heart, it is like drinking a bottle of poison and hoping the other person will die.”

Okay Lord, I get it. I forgive them. In that moment the imprinted frown on my face and wrinkle in my forehead slowly went away. Instead of missing the beauty that was happening in the day, I could now enjoy myself.

Later that day, I spoke with our girls about forgiveness. I talked to them about how God forgives us and how we have to extend forgiveness to others even when we do not want to. I did not excuse them from the consequences of their disobedience, but wanted to use this as a teachable moment.

I would like to think I was a perfect child and never did anything wrong, but that is far from the truth. I have to extend forgiveness and grace to my children just as my mom extended it to me.

Are you a prisoner today? Are you drinking poison hoping the other person will die? Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. I encourage you to free yourself today! It is not always easy. Even as I write this, my husband just ticked me off. I can be miserable the rest of the night because of what he did, or I can forgive him and let God deal with him for his actions. Do I want to do it? Heck no! Was he wrong? Heck yes! Is it the right thing to do? Yes, and as I meditate on the words of this song and with God’s help I will do what feels like the impossible and forgive.

Whoever it is? Whatever it is? Let it go! There is freedom in FORGIVENESS! Ask God to help you to do what seems impossible – Forgive!

“Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness”

View the story behind the song “Forgiveness” Part 1

View the story behind the song “Forgiveness” Part 2

Photo Credit: Personal Excellence

Have a blessed day and remember to find the “jolly” in every “moment” life brings your way!

~ Keishawna

Follow The Jolly Moments on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Too Fast, Too Soon – Our “June Bug” Turns One!

2 Comments

“If you are always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you are in? Enjoy the ride!”

A friend of mine is visiting from Luanda, Angola. Last night she gave my husband and I a rare gift – a date night! This was only the second date my husband and I had since having my son, partly because of my reluctance to leave him with others. Although I functioned as a mother before having him, he is the first child I gave birth to. However, when I left last night my son did not cry, actually, I do not think he noticed that I left. My husband and I went to dinner and then to see Too Fast, Too Furious 6. As I sat in the movie, I thought about the title of the movie and then I thought about my son’s response when I left and I realized I was living my own “Too Fast” moment with my son.

A year ago on June 5, 2012, I gave my birth to my son. Initially I was not excited when I found out I was pregnant because it was not a part of my plan. I wanted to wait at least two years before we had a baby, but God had another plan. During my first ultrasound when I saw this little blur move on the screen I shed my first tear for him, fell in love, and suddenly my plans did not matter.

I remember bringing him home from the hospital and thinking, “what am I supposed to do with him?” and just like that, I blinked, and he turned one. It is as if he went from sitting, to rolling over, to sitting up, to crawling, to pulling up, to walking over night.

For the first 10 or 11 months of his life I was so consumed with living up to others expectations, that I did not always enjoy the little moments with him. I had the voice of so many in my head saying stop holding him so much, put him down, quit spoiling him, and so on. Then a friend said to me, enjoy your son, hold him all you want because one day he will not want you to hold him all the time, one day he is going to grow up. What I did not know is that the day would come so soon. He is walking now so he wiggles out of my arms a lot to go enjoy his new freedom and independence.

So yes, I may hold my child more than you think I should. Yes, I may have nursed him longer than you think I should. Yes, I may hold on tighter than you think I should, but I finally realized it is okay because I am his mother and I am going to slow down and enjoy this ride with him.

So enjoy your children. Stop saying, I can’t wait for them to walk, I can’t wait for them to talk, I can’t wait for them to go to school, I can’t wait for this, I can’t wait for that. Please wait and in your waiting enjoy what is happening now because one day you will look up and wonder where did the moments go? After all, it feels like just yesterday when I brought him home and already we celebrated his first birthday.

What moment will you purpose to slow down and enjoy?

Cake Credit: Pamela Sim’s with Sweetie’s Treats

Have a blessed day and remember to find the “jolly” in every “moment” life brings your way!

~ Keishawna

Follow The Jolly Moments on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

He Is Just a Man!

Leave a comment

My hubby and I

Years ago in my early twenties, two of my friends and I discussed our “ideal” husband. This “ideal” man would solve all of our problems and whisk us away into this fairytale of “happily ever after” in which there are no troubles.

I admit that marriage is a beautiful thing and a blessed experience, but it is no fairytale. You will not always agree. You may not always like each other. You may sometimes feel your spouse is not meeting all of your needs. Years ago, a wise woman told me that only God could meet all of your needs. God can use your spouse to meet some of those needs, but your spouse is a just a vehicle to meet the need, not the source or answer to that need. We sometimes expect perfection from our spouse, when we are not perfect.

So on this Father’s Day remember that your husband is just a man. He is not God and will not always get it right, but I guarantee you if he is a man after God’s own heart he is striving to always get it right. Yes, he will sometimes miss the mark. Yes, you will sometimes have to grace him in his imperfections. However, here is a news flash for you. You will sometimes miss the mark and he will sometimes have to grace you for your imperfections.

So in this Father’s Day, purpose to:

Focus on what he is doing right.
Acknowledge what he is doing right.
Tell him how he has positively changed your life.
Honor him in front of others by complimenting or praising him.
Express your love for him.
Repeat these principles often throughout the day.

I pray that you can use these principles with your spouse, significant other, brother, father, son or friend you are celebrating on this day or any day.

Lastly, I want to say Happy Father’s Day to my dear husband. Thank you for being an awesome provider, father, husband and my best friend! I thank God He gave me you!

Have a blessed day and remember to find the “jolly” in every “moment” life brings your way!

~ Keishawna

Follow The Jolly Moments on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Photo Credit: Sunnycrest Photography

A Balancing Act?

3 Comments

multitasking-mom

A few weeks ago at church I went up for prayer. The person praying with me stated that the Lord loves it when I minister to (serve and take care of) my family. She said at this time, that is my purpose and calling. I remember looking at her and thinking, “What about me?” Who ministers to me?

That same week, I had lunch with a friend and she shared with me one of the lessons from her bible study class. Her teacher said that when you are really doing the will of God, your scale may not be balanced. God may want you to focus on one area more than another, thus tipping the scale to one side, leaving you to “appear” unbalanced.

When she said that to me I had to really stop and think about it. So many times as a woman, wife and mother we are expected to balance it all. I think this expectation came from society, but somewhere along the way we, as women, put that expectation on ourselves. We look at Clare Huxtable (The Cosby Show) and June Cleaver (Leave It to Beaver) on television and think that we are supposed to balance it all perfectly.

So, I go back to her statement that sometimes God will have you focus more on one area than another. I sat across from her as she spoke and a light bulb went off in my head. At that moment, I exhaled for the first time in a long time. I realized that in this moment of my life, my family is my priority and that is enough. Does that mean there will never be time for the things I want to pursue? No, it just means that right now my scale is tipped to the side where my family sits.

So to the world (my family and friends), the fact that I am a stay at home mom and I can’t manage to pursue my event planning business full time doesn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense to me either because I was trying to balance the scale. I was trying to give my husband, children, home, business, etc equal time. That meant there was no time for me because I spent all my time trying to live up to an expectation that God did not put on me. God is not asking me to be perfect or to balance it all, He is asking me to be purposeful and focus on that which He has called me to do in this season. When I do that, I am ministered to and taken care of because I am not spending all of my time and energy doing things I am not called to do right now.

When God is in the picture the things that aren’t given as much time, are still taken care of because He will show you strategically how to do it without wearing yourself out. So, yes my scale is leaning to one side. No, my scale is not my balanced but YES, my life is balanced because I am in His will and am living up to His expectation of me, not society’s, my family or friends.

So this means that sometimes, I have to let some things go that I want for the sake of my family and at other times my family has to wait while I take a moment for myself. My life may look chaotic to you, but with God, it all balances out in the end, even when it doesn’t look that way.

Have a blessed day and remember to find the “jolly” in every “moment” life brings your way!

~ Keishawna

Follow The Jolly Moments on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Count Your Blessings!

6 Comments

“Someone is praying for the blessings you take for granted.”

When I came across this quote on Pinterest I was speechless. I thought of how many times today I complained that I had to chase my 11 month old son out of the bathroom and pull toilet paper out of his mouth. I thought about how many times I complained that I didn’t have time to work on my wedding and event planning business because my son was a busy bee and all over the place. I thought about how many times I complained that my son pulled my freshly folded laundry off the table, or pulled my undergarments out of my top drawer, or tried to pull my brand new lamps off the end tables. Then I read this quote and suddenly my complaints felt superficial.

Here I was complaining about what my son was doing when several women I love long to have a son to complain about. So instead of focusing on all he’s doing wrong, and I really can’t say doing wrong because he is simply being a child and exploring his world, I instead will focus on that fact that I have him. God blessed me with a beautiful son and from this day forth I purpose to not take that blessing for granted. So who cares how many times I have to refold the laundry, pick up my undergarments, or restock toilet paper! I’m a mother and that in itself is a blessing!

So to you mothers out there who may be stressed out or tired because your child is not conforming to your schedule, count your blessings. Your child is a blessing. It doesn’t mean that the days you want to pull your hair out behind your child are not valid. Your feelings on those days are valid. All I’m simply saying is, somewhere, some woman is praying that she had a child that made her want to pull her hair out.

Be encouraged and remember that “The joy of the Lord is your strength” and He can get you through any trial or rough day. After all, He counted you worthy enough to go through the trial by the mere fact he blessed you with your child. So on a rough day, remember “Someone is praying for the blessings you take for granted.”

Have a blessed day and remember to find the “jolly” in every “moment” life brings your way on today!

~ Keishawna

Follow The Jolly Moments on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram!

Image Credit: Image found on Pinterest.

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.